I found out the issue. The ayat 12 of Sura Jinn....
I feel that part of me felt ashamed because of the sins of the past n currently accumulating. If the Jinn can feel this way, why can't I?
Anyway, I talked to my heart n say, it's OK... If u want to beat fast, or be heavy or restless... so be it. If I die from heart issues due to this, I'm happy because I die while memorising Sura Jinn.
And then, I felt my heart relaxed. N I didn't have much issues reading the first page over and over again.
(to memorise Sura Jinn, I divide them by pages. I focus fully on 1st page because it has many similar sentences. Then once fluent, n memorised, I shall moved onto the next page).
Alhamdulillah, I have gone past ayat no. 7...
I remembered back in my youth, age 20 n below, we didn't have Quran app with translations. I have the hard copy, a small one. The English translation words were too small so I seldom read it. But when I read the Quran (Arabic only) , sometimes I feel sad and cry unknowingly why.
And I let me be because my teachers told me that whenever possible cry or make yourself shed some tears when reciting the Quran.
My theory....
(I'm not a native Arab or Arabic speaker. Still struggling with basics...)
So perhaps, we already knew the Quran language, perhaps before we were born. N parts of us remembered when we read it. Thus it invoke certain reactions and emo from us. Or it can be the miracles unknown to us (only Allah knows).
All these postings r sharing my own day to day or week or months of hifz journey. Not necessarily the right way of doing things. So always refer to your own teacher or asatizah on your Hifz and Quran.
Also I'm a curious being, I stumble n fall, n I get up n wonder why...i walked back n experiment n ask questions, while poking here n there.
Hmm....