Have u ever faced your hifz teacher and when u start reciting, suddenly ur head is full of ideas and things to do?
Like solat, I wanted to focus fully. Filled with confidence in hope to nail this hifz session with good marks, suddenly as I open my mouth, all kinds of thoughts rushed in.
I didnt have this when I was in my twenties because I was more fearful of my Hifz Teacher back then. So I force focus.
This time, my hifz teacher is not as strict and she is of same gender and age n I'm more relaxed but the challenges r numerous.
Of course, have to recite taawudz and supplications before hifz and reading Quran.
But still, sometimes, I still have doubts lurking, waiting to pounce on me as I open my mouth with - Who do u think u r to memorise the Quran? U r not worthy to do hifz. All these then distract me from my recitation n then I got so many mistakes because I'm half present to the Quranic verses recited and half present to the doubts and thoughts playing in my head.
Sometimes, when it's truly seriously distracting, I cannot concentrate and ended up with mutashabihat ayat (similar ayah) and ended up with a different Sura altogether. Astaghfirullah.
Just sharing. There is a known idea known to mankind that we each have a certain belief that we r frauds, fakers and pretenders.
When we achieve a certain level of successes, an invisible glass ceiling, we self create may start to form and block us, preventing ourselves from moving forward.
And sometimes our inner critic sabotage us. These inner critics may take forms of peeps who criticise us when young like parents, teachers, friends and more.
We can silent them. But humans especially women is said to have about 80000 thoughts daily.
So it's best we just let it pass us by. And when we actually start reciting the Quran, leave all these little critics to the Creator.
And also I found out that doing breathing exercises before class helps to calm the mind further. Anxiety and nervousness also affect me at times. Breathing deep from diaphragm helps a lot.
Whether we are worthy or not, only He knows. Let's just do our bestest and surrender the rest.
Hope that helps.