Assalamualaikum,
I had an old blogger website about me learning the hifz when i was in my late teen. But I have neglected it for many decades n was not able to go back to it.
And so i restart a new blog just like i restart my hifz. I didnt complete it. I only did 3 juz n along the way, life happens n i was not able to continue due to worthiness issues of me having the word of God within me.
And i fell n tumbled n got lost many times. My heart turned cold n stone until one day, after mom passed on, i accidentally chanced upon live mecca video on youtube.
I watched it for a long period of time. I felt stoic n numb. Suddenly, a huge waft of longing n missingness emerged. Tears rolled down like buckets. I desire to come home to Allah. But i felt ashamed cos of the many mistakes n sins accumulated thru-out my existence.
Later on, many miracles emerged…it felt as if God was answering me with Come home whenever u want. And somehow, a spontaneous trip Umrah was created within days. With abundance surrounding me supporting my desire to be fulfilled n i went.
The year after, i got to bring my teenagers to Umrah n Jerusalem for their virgin trip n short pilgrimage. Alhamdulillah, i realised that Allah never judges us, we do … n harshly too.
Allah is the most compassionate thus He always gives us second chances when we seek it.
I wasnt sure what my next step was after that. I had left the Muslim community so far behind, i felt awkward returning.
I then realised, i was surrounded by huffaz of the holy Quran. Mostly adults age 30-65. I observed a group of women hifz buddying each other in Dome of the Rock Mosque in Ramadan 2023, i felt inspired to do the same.
I made a resolution to restart my hifz but i only take action, a year after. I did revise my old hifz but i only commit to go n get a Hafizah teacher only recently this year.
It wasnt easy. It felt an abrupt change n transformation. Because i wasnt as pious or religious as I used to be. I only pray n fast, the basics of what Muslims do but not go beyond.
Part of me felt excited to restart, part of me was chaotic n throwing tantrums.and most parts, i was drenched in regrets of my past n self doubts wondering if i am worthy of being Hafizah Quran.
It also felt like a huge responsibility.
But i knew the Almighty has invited me to this many times n as i age, i fear i dont have much time to fulfill this. Also im a single mother with 2 sons looking up to me. I felt the need to squash my fears n just do it.
I do my best to memorize because of the Almighty. As for the benefits,it’s all bonus n up to Allah if He wish to bless me n my loved ones with them.
My worries r more on my patterns of neglect, laziness n boredom in this journey.
So as i resolute to go all the way this 1-5 years, join me in my sharings of what im experiencing in hope that u can find some light n solutions to your own hifz predicament.
Im not a scholar nor an islamic asatizah. Im just a tahfiz student aged 46
Please dont take what i shared too seriously.
if in doubt, always check with your local trusted, certified Islamic teachers n scholars.
Dont bother 2 write comments about this blog. I wont entertain them. It takes a lot of my energy to reply. Cos i read n write from heart n soul the best i can.
This is meant to share a small window, a snippet of my journey so together we can learn n unlearn.
Take the good from my sharings n share it to ur loved ones if u care.
And…Just include me in your dua/supplication as i too will do the same for my readers.
Forgive me for my shortcomings n mistakes.
And May Allah make ease your path to be a successful hafiz/ah in dunia and akhirat. Amiin.
Have an amazing day!
Assalamualaikum.