I felt like there was an invisible race, I'm pushing myself towards the completion of Quran memorisation...in this golden age of reaching the big 50....
But it was never about the pace, it was about....
The miraculous Quran in every physical, soul alphabet, word and more....
As mentioned previously, I had memorised 3 Juz in my late teens: Juz 30, 29 and 1.
Thus to restart I had to go back n re-learn. Some I still keep intact in my head n heart like Juz 30, some often-read Sura like Yasin, Waqiah, Rahmaan, Najm, Insan.
Some, I've sadly neglected Astaghfirullah. And Juz 29 is one of them. Juz 1, though it felt heavy in my heart, I was able to retain half of it.
So I was revising with much haste to remember them all in front of my new Hifz Teacher, Hafizah from Egypt University (with sanad going all the way to Nabi saw, InsyaAllah) .
And normally, I can remember at least 5 surah but for Al-Qiyamah, I cannot proceed further. I tried for 2 weeks n I can only fit in 1 surah in my head.
So with much shame I face my teacher humbly. But she was motivating and empowering. And we focus further on revising what I've memorised. And mistakes made.
Then my youngest told me bluntly when I shared my predicament to him (cos all 3 of us r hifz students now but with different teachers)....
"Ummi, perhaps what we have difficulty with, always has got to do with us, personally." I felt he parroted what I've taught him - "whatever happens to us is actually what's happening within us."
Sometimes as parents, instead of giving advices as usual, we can take a step back and learn from our youths. What he said did not make sense at first but later, I read the English Quranic translations especially ayat:
لَا تُحَرِّكْ بِهِۦ لِسَانَكَ لِتَعْجَلَ بِهِۦٓ ١٦
Move not thy tongue concerning the (Qur'an) to make haste therewith.
And ayahs after it too knock some sense to me.
I was rushing for no reason and forget to stop and ponder in awe of the beautiful meanings behind every ayat.
Where am I rushing to?
Aren't we supposed to imagine we r reading n memorising as if we faced the Almighty?
As a world wanderer n explorer, I knew that the goal of every place I journeyed to was never the destination but the journey was always the main point.
So if you are like me having trouble with some Quranic verses that seems too stubborn to move on, in our heads, perhaps we need to take a breather and stop for a moment and read to seek the deeper meanings not just literally but spiritually if possible, or in our current life where this applies or even triggers.
If not, we can always cup our hands in unison and ask Allah for help. Cos only He can make ease our journey.
My previous Hifz Ustaz from Madinah University told us that if we neglect our Quran, we will be punished and when we neglected them, it's like a camel that has not been tied securely.
It will run so fast, you may never caught it.
How true for me.
It takes a bigger effort to remember neglected surah than new memorised ones.
But again, all these are from my experiences and perspectives. For you, may be different.
I'm just a normal human being re-learning Tahifz Quran again. Normally peeps start as young as children. But I start late. But I've heard many older than me who has completed their hifz Quran, aged 70 and more.
And so I'm inspired to complete this overdue promise.
May we all be blessed to continue this hifz journey in much resolution, commitment, determination and joy.
It's not easy but...
I dua always that we each be blessed, guided and protected dunia and akhirat n may our egos are often humbled and we protected from riak, shirik and all the small and big sins in dunia, in hope to get God's redha and enter jannatul firdaus. Amiin.
And may we get blessings n rewards of this coming lailatul qadr. Amiin.
Have fun Hifz warriors! This is going to be a wonderful journey...
Take a break when u feel boredom n tiredness crept in.
I believe in you and me. May we succeed dunia and akhirat.